Striking Women in Islam?

The Quran cannot be understood correctly unless you read or learn the explanation of the Quran from an authentic scholar. The tafseer or exegesis of the Quran is generally based on the teachings of Prophet Muhammad (Peace Be Upon Him). Just reading the translation of the Quran is not enough, because people’s intelligence and level of knowledge are different, therefore different individuals will reach different conclusions if they read the same verse of the Quran. A related analogy is if an ordinary person reads a medical book and starts prescribing medicines for the sick. Of course, the results would be disastrous. Similar is the case with the Quran. In order to understand it we have to go back to the knowledgeable scholars who have spent most parts of their lives in learning and teaching about Islam.

The verse which is sometimes quoted by non-Muslims is in Surah Nisa. It says, “Men are the protectors and maintainers of women, because Allah has given the one more than the other, and because they support them from their means. Therefore the righteous women are devoutly obedient, and guard in absence what Allah would have them guard. As to those women on whose part ye fear disloyalty and ill-conduct (or arrogance), admonish them (first), (next), refuse to share their beds, (and last) beat them (lightly); but if they return to obedience, seek not against them means (of annoyance): For Allah is Most High, Most Great (above you all)” (Al Quran, Surah Nisa 4:34).

The objections raised by non-Muslims are generally based on the lack of knowledge of the tafseer of this verse. The word used in the verse is qawwaam, which means protectors. Allah has given most men more physical strength than women, and also men are more protective by nature. That is why we see more men in the armies than women. Men will generally protect their women, and if necessary, will fight for them as well. Allah has kept this quality of protection among men. Men generally are less fearful than women. That is why most women demand more security whenever they go out of their homes. I know there are exceptions, but rules and regulations are not made on exceptions but on generalities. The second meaning of qawwaam is maintainers. It is the responsibility laid by Allah upon men to take care of the majority of administrative matters outside of the home, e.g. earning livelihood. It should also be noted that the word qawwaam implies one degree higher in responsibility, not one degree higher in superiority. And this responsibility should be carried out by mutual consent of both husband and wife.

Afterwards, Allah explains the reasons behind assigning these responsibilities to men. The first rationale is that men usually have more strength than women and also Allah has created men and women for different purposes (in some aspects of life). This is the reason why God created them physically and psychologically different (as scientific research has shown). Hence, in some facets of life, men and women have equal rights, while in other aspects women have more rights than men and in certain cases men have more rights than women. Islam believes in equality of men and women — ‘equality’ does not mean ‘being identical’.

Suppose in a classroom of 100 there are two students, ‘A’ and ‘B’. During an examination both came first — both secured 80 per cent marks. Out of the hundred students, both A and B came first. When you analyse the question paper, the question paper had 10 different questions, each carrying 10 marks. In question No. 1 student A got nine out of 10, and student B got 7 out of 10. So in question 1 student A scored higher than student B. In question No. 2, student A got seven out of 10 and student B got nine out of 10; student B scored higher than student A in question No. 2. In question No. 3 both of them got eight out of 10, both were equal. So when we add up the marks of all the 10 questions, both student A and B got 80 out of 100. In short, the two students were equal, but in some questions A is better than B, while in others B is better than A, in still others both are equal. In the same fashion, taking the example that since Allah has given man more strength — suppose a thief enters the house, will you tell your mother, sister and your daughter, to go and fight the thief since you believe in women’s right? No, naturally you’ll fight him; if required the women may interfere. Under normal circumstances since Allah has given men more physical strength, men have to go and tackle the thief. So here, in physical strength, man is one degree higher than the woman. Let us take another example where it comes to giving respect to the parents. The children are supposed to respect the mother three times more than the father. Here the women are three degrees higher than men — over all both are equal. Therefore, Islam believes in equality, not being identical. In Islam, the role of men and women is complementary, it is not conflicting. It is that of partnership, not to strive for supremacy.

The second reason is that they spend from their wealth. In Islamic teachings, the life of a woman has been made very easy as compared to the women in the West. When a woman is living with her parents, her father takes care of her expenses. If the father dies, her brother (if she has one) takes care of her. When she becomes a wife, her husband is responsible for her expenses. She also gets the mehr (marital gift or money paid by the husband to his wife after they get married). If her father-in-law dies, she receives a part from his inheritance as well. So basically, in an Islamic state, a woman does not have to worry about earning a living as that is the responsibility laid upon men by Allah. But this does not mean that she cannot work. A true Islamic society requires women to take up professions such as doctors. We do require female gynecologists, nurses and teachers, but a woman in Islam has no financial obligations. The financial obligation is laid on the shoulders of the man in the family. Therefore, a woman need not work for her livelihood. But in cases where there is financial crisis in which the family cannot make both ends meet, she has the option of working. Here too, no one can force her to work — she works out of her own, absolute free will. She can work if the need arises. But if she has children and is financially secure, then it would be her responsibility to bring up her children properly, and teach them Islamic morals and ethics so that they become proper human beings and an asset to the human race.

Women play an important role in society. If a person achieves something in his or her lifetime (and is a benefit to society), it is generally because of the upbringing of his or her mother. Also, as a wife she plays an important role. If the system of the house is not working properly, men will not be able to carry out their jobs at the workplace, and hence the productivity in society is affected. Even Mikhail Gorbachev (former president of the USSR), in the fourth chapter of his book Perestroika admits that one of the reasons for the downfall of the USSR was that Russian women went to the workplace, and thus, the children’s upbringing was not proper, which resulted in the downfall of Russian society. He warns Europe that if they repeat this mistake, a similar fate will await them.

Now after Allah has explained the reasons for men being protectors and maintainers of women, Allah starts to praise women who are righteous, devoutly obedient to Allah or her husband (in matters which are not against the teachings of Islam) and finally those women who guard (when her husband or father is not at home) their chastity. These women will get huge rewards in the hereafter.

Even in this day and age (where the majority of Muslims do not practice Islam), Muslim women are a lot more loyal to their husbands than their Western counterparts. They guard their modesty and chastity even if the husband is away for years (overseas to earn a living). That is why the cases of adultery are considerably less among the Muslims than in the West. This is one of the reasons why the divorce rates among Muslims are negligible as compared to the West (where in some countries 50 to 60 percent of marriages end in divorce).

In Islam, a lot of rights have been given to women. For example, even if she says to her husband that a certain friend or relative of his cannot come to visit their house (e.g. because in her opinion that person is a bad influence on her children), then the husband must oblige and he will have to meet that person somewhere else. Unfortunately, because of lack of knowledge, Muslims do not follow the teachings of Islam.

After praising women with certain qualities, Allah talks about the strategies to deal with those women with whom men might have some disagreements at home. As Allah says, with those women whom you fear (here scholars have stressed that one has to be absolutely sure and it should not be based on a mere doubt) are guilty of ill conduct, these are the women who are arrogant or do not respect others (the respect they deserve) properly, are outspoken (or in colloquial terms loud mouth) and disregard the feelings of others to some extent. For these women, Allah says that the first thing a man should do is to advise them. Talk to them and explain to them what the matter is. Experience has shown that most of the times this approach will work if someone talks out a problem with his spouse. And if a man is 100 percent sure that this plan of action is not working and further talking with the wife will not be of any use, then the husband should refuse to share the bed with her. If she sleeps in the bedroom, he should sleep in another room (jurists say that one thing which should be kept in mind is that if either the wife or the husband ask for sexual relationship, even in these circumstances, then the other person has to oblige, otherwise there is a chance that adultery might take place). Moreover, after the husband is certain that this approach is not working, then he is allowed to strike within the prescribed limits of Islam.

A lot of people have objections to this word in the Quran, because they have some other ideas in their minds of beating a person. In Islam, it is forbidden to hit someone on the face (even in the battlefield, Prophet Muhammad Peace Be Upon Him forbade his companions to hit a person on the face). In addition, Prophet Muhammad (Peace Be Upon Him) told us that no one should beat his wife in a manner which would leave a single mark on her body. Furthermore, Prophet Muhammad (Peace Be Upon Him) said to Muslims that the worst husbands are those who behave like donkeys and beat their wives during the daytime and sleep (have sexual relations) with them during the night. When Abullah ibn Abbas, a great scholar of Islam, was asked about the meaning of beating in this verse, he said that you can strike her with your siwaak (twig used for brushing teeth) in a way which is not demeaning and does not affect her self-esteem, just to caution her and that is it. In another narration, Prophet Muhammad (Peace Be Upon Him) told us that the best husbands are those who never strike their wives. Unfortunately, because of lack of understanding of the Quran and conduct of some bad Muslims, this verse gives people the wrong impression.

So, in the light of all this, it is allowed in Islam, as a last resort, to strike one’s wife once in a while with as little an object as a twig, just to admonish (and not to insult or demean) her. And it would be preferable if he abstains even from this act.

Lastly, Allah says if any of the aforementioned strategies work, then do not seek ways to oppress them by any means whatsoever (because a husband could still be angry at his wife even after she patches up with him), and thus transgress the limits set by Allah. As it is Allah who has made you the protector and maintainer over her, and if you abuse your rights over her, then Allah is Most High and Most Great (in every respect over you, and you will be answerable to him on the Day of Judgment).

Before I finish this article, I want to quote some statistics on domestic violence in the West. In the West too, women’s abuse is very high. While the exact numbers on domestic violence incidents differ, because this is an under-reported crime, there are statistics on which most experts agree.

1. In 1984, the US Surgeon General declared domestic violence as this nation’s number one health problem.
2. A woman is beaten every 15 seconds by her partner; it happens at some time in 25-35 percent of American homes; 4,000 women die from such abuse each year (FBI).
3. Physical abuse by male social partners is the single most common source of injury among women aged 15 to 44, more common than auto accidents, muggings, and rape by a stranger combined (US Surgeon General, 1989).
4. In the US, medical costs from domestic violence total at least $ 3-5 billion annually. At least another $ 100 million can be added to the cost to businesses in lost wages, sick leave and absenteeism (Sylvia Porter, For Your Money’s Worth).
5. Women of all cultures, races, occupations, income levels and ages are battered — by husbands, boyfriends, lovers and partners (Surgeon General Antonia Novello, as quoted in Domestic Violence: Battered Women, publication of the Reference Department of the Cambridge Public Library, Cambridge, MA).
6. Approximately one-third of the men counselled (for battering) are professional men who are well-respected in their jobs and their communities. These have included doctors, psychologists, lawyers, ministers, and business executives (For Shelter and Beyond, Massachusetts Coalition of Battered Women Service Groups, Boston, MA, 1990).
7. According to the Council of Europe's member states, almost a quarter of women in Europe have suffered physical or sexual attack. In Spain, some two million women say they have been the victims of psychological or physical abuse.

Statistics such as these should awaken all those in denial of the fact that wife beating and abuse is an endemic disease in all different cultures, religions and communities. It is as common in Western as it is in Eastern societies.

Men in Western (and Eastern) societies do not abuse their wives because of scriptural teachings, but because of a natural instinct of domination and aggression. God, knowing this, has therefore decreed a perfect law to help men control their temper and to solve any problems.These statistics reflect the failure of modern societies in treating this perilous condition in men. Despite advances in modern psychology and improved understanding of behavioural patterns of men, civilised and uncivilised, a successful solution to this aggressive behaviour has not been found by mankind. A solution has however been presented to the world in the Quran, the final testament, more than 1400 years ago, in the verse 4:34.

Please also watch the video Women in Islam, Liberated or Subjugated?